just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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