Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
