Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
