you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
