well you can't waste a boner
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My ass is underappreciated
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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