fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
