I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The air was thick with penises
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
