I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
