Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
