you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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