did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
