I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
