it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
