i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
