I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
