and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
