there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
