11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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