capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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