ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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