I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
