Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
