oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
