a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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