I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
