He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
