Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
