Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
