im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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