Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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