no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
