You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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