woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
