They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
