Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
