I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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