well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
