this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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