My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
