I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
