So drunk its hurt
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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