Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
The air taste purple.
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