the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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