4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
