is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
