Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
