I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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