So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
