Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
