Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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