I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
