He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
