these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
