im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
